I finally got tired of my wife nagging me about a one-hundred-gauge, all-welded river boat with a 35-horsepower mud motor, so I broke down and bought her one. Then check this out: it turns out she didn’t even want it. In fact, she claims she doesn’t recall nagging me about it.
Admittedly, she’s getting up there in years, but I wouldn’t think her memory is that bad. It is worrisome, though. She’s already forgotten the times she pestered me about a new shotgun, several new rod and reels and even that bass boat she so desperately wanted.
“Well, somebody talked me into buying a river boat,” I told her in a huff. “And you’re the only other person in the house. Now that it’s paid for what am I supposed to do with it?”
Well, who cares what she says I can do with it? I guess I don’t have any choice other than to keep it like all that other stuff she forgot about.
“How much did you pay for this thing, anyway?” she asked me.
It was at that exact moment I remembered some pressing business I had at the river and had to skedaddle with boat in tow. She has since asked me about the price several times, but I am getting up there in years too and can’t seem to recall the exact number. Plus, I have a lot of skedaddling to do these days.
Her birthday is coming up in eleven or so months and she’s already leaving not-so-subtle hints about a Guide Gear 10′ Elevated Deer Stand on sale for a paltry $359. For instance, just the other morning at breakfast I asked her about her plans for the day.
“I’m not sure,” she told me straight away. “I may go shopping.”
See what I mean? If that’s not a desperate cry for a Guide Gear 10′ Elevated Deer Stand, I’ve never heard one. Call it husband’s intuition.
The whole thing’s kind of odd, too, because she doesn’t hunt. I mentioned this to my son who told me he’s been picking up on her hints, too, and even pointed out that he believes she was secretly hoping I’d buy her two Guide Gear 10′ Elevated Deer Stands.
“If you get her two like she is hoping for,” he told me. “We can set them up in the woods on either side of the pasture. That way she wouldn’t be stuck with just one place to hunt.”
I teared up a bit. Always thinking of others, that boy of mine.
“Good idea,” I told him, a bit choked up. “And maybe she wouldn’t mind if we sat in one every now and then.”
I could tell by the look on his face he had not considered that. “I’m sure she wouldn’t,” he finally said. Then his face changed. “Wait,” he said, clearly distraught. “There’s something we didn’t think about. Her birthday is way after opening day of deer season.”
“Good Lord! You’re right!” I said, stricken at the thought of her not having her stands in place before opening day. “We owe it to her to get them set up as soon as possible. It’ll be an early birthday present.”
“Imagine her surprise,” he said, grinning.
We took a moment to imagine her surprise.
“I just hope she remembers asking for them, what with her memory issues lately and all.”
“Me, too,” he said.
We took a moment to imagine how it would be if she forgot.
Both of us were overcome by an urge to practice our skedaddling.
Fraudulent and Flatulent 