Being a health-conscience, diabetic adult I, of course, don’t eat Cracker Jacks, but just about every time my wife, Marianne, and I go to our grocery store several bags of Cracker Jacks mysteriously wind up in the bottom of our shopping cart. “How did those get in there?” I ask her, mystified. She tells me how she thinks they got in there, but her theory is a bit farfetched so I won’t mention it here.

We don’t make the Cracker Jack discovery until we are at the cash register. Now I’m stuck with having to buy them. If I don’t, that means some poor kid making minimum wage will have to go through all the time and bother of restocking them. Having once been one of those kids myself, I can’t bear the thought of it.

“Go ahead and ring them up,” I tell the cashier reluctantly.

Sometimes, when the store is out of Cracker Jacks, the same thing happens with Payday candy bars. We arrive at the register to find one in our cart. Oddly enough, back when I could eat sweets Payday candy bars were my favorite.

“We might as well get them,” I say to Marianne. “Or some kid will have to re-stock them.”

“But they are right there in this shelf next to the checkout aisle,” she says pointing at a stack of Paydays three feet away.

“Re-stocking is re-stocking,” I tell her. Of course, having never worked in a grocery store she doesn’t understand. I go ahead and pay for them.

As if the sudden appearance of sweets in our grocery cart isn’t mysterious enough, once the Cracker Jacks or Paydays get home they vanish almost as quickly as they appeared in the bottom of our cart. My wife has a theory for that one, too, but it is so ridiculous I refuse to commit it to print.

Other edibles go missing around the house under mysterious circumstances besides Cracker Jacks and candy bars. Potato chips, for example. Not the entire bag, but large quantities of the chips within. We once had half a bag of Doritos vanish off the kitchen counter seemingly of its own volition. Then there is the case a few weeks back where several wedges of apple pie went missing without any rational explanation. My wife says she has a rational explanation, but who wants to listen to some cockamamie theory from someone as close minded about the paranormal as she is?

Sometimes I get up late at night to monitor the kitchen for paranormal activity. To date I haven’t seen anything out of the ordinary, but, just the same, things disappear. Many times stuff is gone the very next morning after my inspection. For instance, a few days ago I checked out the kitchen in the dark of night and the next morning an entire sleeve of Oreos was gone out of the package.

“Explain that,” I said to my wife, my voice full of wonder.

She explained what she thought became of the Oreos, but her explanation had such a fundamental lack of open mindedness regarding the mysteries of the spirit world, I don’t want to offend any of us true believers by repeating it.